My New Meds

  

  So I recently began self-medicating.   

A graph explaining your age over time

Normally I’m a tough-it-out sort of guy and I don’t subscribe to these “fix-all” medicines, but I found one recently that I really like so far. After looking at the numbers of how it could improve my overall health and life, I decided to give it a try.

Right off the bat, this treatment increases the longevity of your life by approximately 7 years, possibly more.

It also helps people to sleep better and more deeply, raises their daily energy levels by improving the cardiovascular and circulatory systems and helps to fight stress. So, thus far this medicine is Nyquil, Five Hour Energy and Cymbalta all in one, not to mention the superior life expectancy.

But that’s not all! Regular dosage can also fight heart disease and Alzheimer’s, burn fat, lower the risk of developing diabetes, lower blood pressure, reduce back pain, combat osteoporosis, and even increase the brain’s ability for complex thought. So now we've added Aspirin, HTC, Metformin, Diuretics, Ibuprofen, Bisphosphonates, and Ritalin to the list of medications that this can supplement or even replace.

Anyone? Joe Versus the Volcano?

Sounds like a dream come true for any hypochondriacs in the audience, right? This is a great remedy for those with more than one ailment since so many medications nowadays can’t be mixed with each other.

Perhaps you've guessed what this mystery drug is....

 

Exercise!

Who knew that your life could be so much better by raising your heart rate a few times per week? Those who exercise report being happier and more satisfied with their lives, both because of their self-image and as a result of activity-produced endorphins. I could well be preaching to the choir, but I think that many in my generation could definitely use a (large) dose of exercise.

Life expectancy in the United States has increased steadily for the past couple of centuries, ever since that good old Penicillin came around. I fear, however, that that statistic has been reduced to a mere number which signifies how long the heart beats and the brain fires synapses without mention of quality of life. Having toiled in elderly respite care myself, I've seen what a generation of people who worked through World War II and the Great Depression becomes in their golden years- while their bodies became decrepit, they continued to work and strive for independence.

That being said, I dread to think of my generation’s longevity through increasingly advanced medicine because it is likely that our age of physical decline will occur much sooner than our predecessors if we do not work as they did. Sure, our hearts may beat and our brains function longer, but in what condition will we be?

I, for one, intend to be that spry old guy who goes on bike rides and hikes with his wife at 90 years old. My plan of attack? Regular exercise (and a good diet).