10 Reasons to NOT listen to your music with music majors

As you may know, I recently completed my Bachelor's of Music Education, about which I am very excited. I feel, though, that spending the past years slaving away in an academic field which most people view as recreation has given me a somewhat skewed view of my role as a music listener (although my professors would have me believe that my studies have done just the opposite- straightened out my base, crooked views).

So this post is part explanation, part apology, part soapbox, part experience, and many parts opinion.
Disclaimer: I knock on the digital medium a lot in this post; understand, these are not my feelings, but the supposed opinions of colleagues.

Here's a list of 10 reasons why you may find it infuriating to try to listen to music with a friend who has studied music:



1. If you ask us to listen closely to a song, all we'll hear is the boring harmonic structure.

Virtually all pop music is made up of four chords: I, IV, V, and VI. If you've ever seen the Axis of Awesome's 4 Chord Song, you'll understand how repetitive and over-used these chords are. Sure, you can create some really great music inside this structure, but with a whole world of musical possibilities, why limit yourself?



2. All post-recording digital manipulation is sin (and we think we can hear it)

Ask one of my colleagues about why Glee is no good and they'll go on and on about the decline of vocal technique and producers scrubbing singers' tracks clean until they are little more than a synthesized voice. Sure, our technology allows us to auto-tune singers, but that doesn't make it any more ethical than eating the last brownie and not cleaning the pan.

3. We actually listen to the words

When we're not complaining about poor diction, we're groaning at our friends' evasion "I just like the beat."
And we judge.


4. We sing along with instrumental tracks of make up our own harmonies

So we think One Direction would sound better with a few male voices singing different parts instead of all in unison, big deal. So I like singing along with Cake's trumpet, no sweat.


5. Digital instruments are unacceptable

Drum machine? Get a real drummer. Kenny G sound-alike? Whatever, we know it's a synthesized sax. String quartet behind your punk band? Doubt it, unplug the computer and give a real musician a job.

6. Mediocre singers with excellent poetry don't cut it

This is the reason I miss out on great artists like Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, and Bright Eyes- I can't get past the voice. Maybe that's short-sighted of me, but I'll be the first to admit that I love Dylan covers way more than the originals.







7. We have an opinion on everything and knowledge of nothing

We're the worst kinds of hipsters- we judge the layman's music to be inferior and offer him nothing that he can appreciate because we compare it to "high art." We hear certain indicators of poor musicianship like synthesizers and auto-tuned voices and we stop listening. I don't believe I've even listened to an entire Nicki Manaj song, but I know that every moment would be filled with disdain.


8. After 3 songs of ABABCB form we get bored

Song form- verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. Easily the most widely used form in modern music. The reason Maroon 5's "Hands All Over" album wasn't that great.







9. We will not rest until we figure out that modulation/multi-meter/modal section/etc.

See piano bridge in Muse's "United States of Eurasia" (Egyptian modal scale?)


10. and this is the kicker, We mistakenly believe that we enjoy music more than others

"That's right, I know more about music, so I have a greater capacity to appreciate it." I'm going to call shenanigans and say that's not true. Yes, I hear a lot of things when I listen to music and can even understand it at a "higher" level, but I think if we were to measure endorphins produced (brain's happiness peptide) by groups who have studied music and those that haven't, I believe they would be approximately the same across the board. Who am I to say that I feel greater happiness while listening to a really awesome choir sing Whitaker than some teeny-bopper listening to some lame Kesha anthem? When it comes right down to it, we all listen to what we enjoy and I'm pretty certain that we all enjoy it the same.