Why We Can't Have Good Movies

Cinema is a business- movies are created to make money.


In the beginning films were created for the same reason as sculptures or symphonies- to express an original idea in an aesthetically pleasing and artistic manner. Now, however, all we seem to see in the theaters are sequels, reboots and adaptations. 

I, myself, subscribed to this philosophy until doing the research for this post. What I've found, instead, is that the vast majority financially successful movies have been based on some previous movie, book, play, TV show, etc., both recently and early on in the biz.







Consider the following list of top blockbusters from different decades 

     Based on a book/comic/play                Sequel                 Both


2013

1. Iron Man 3
2. Fast & Furious 6
3. The Croods
4. Man of Steel
5. Oz the Great and Powerful
6. Star Trek Into Darkness
7. G.I. Joe: Retaliation
8. The Hangover Part III
9. Monster University
10. The Great Gatsby



                                                        2003

1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
2. Finding Nemo
3. The Matrix Reloaded
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
5. Bruce Almighty
6. The Last Samurai
7. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
8. The Matrix Revolutions
9. X2
                                                         10. Bad Boys II

1993


1. Jurassic Park
2. Mrs. Doubtfire
3. The Fugitive
4. Schindler's List
5. The Firm
6. Indecent Proposal
7. Cliffhanger
8. Sleepless in Seattle
9. Philadelphia
10. The Pelican Brief


                                                                 1983                                      
                                         1. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
2. Terms of Endearment
3. Flashdance
4. Trading Places
5. War Games
6. Octopussy
7. Sudden Impact
8. Staying Alive
9. Mr. Mom
10. Risky Business


1973

1. The Exorcist
2. The Sting
3. American Graffiti
4. Papillon
5. The Way We Were
6. Magnum Force
7. Last Tango in Paris
8. Live and Let Die
9. Robin Hood
10. Paper Moon


1963 

1. Cleopatra
2. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
3. How the West Was Won 
4. The Birds
5. Dr. No
6. Tom Jones
7. The Sword in the Stone
8. Son of Flubber
9. Charade
10. The Great Escape

1953

1. Peter Pan
2. House of Wax
3. The Robe
4. From Here to Eternity
5. Shane
6. How to Marry a Millionaire
7. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
8. Mogambo
9. Salome
10. Roman Holiday








According to this, perhaps the Golden Era of original ideas in cinema was the late 70's to early 90's where we had such gems as Star Wars, Rocky, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, E.T., Willow and Groundhog Day.This was a time when producers showed great trust in capable writers and directors to create a world that viewers had never before experienced.





The pervading sentiment that Hollywood nowadays has ruined cinema by only allowing reboots, sequels, and best-selling books onto the big screen simply isn't true. I offer two arguments:

                      1. The movie industry has always relied on well-known stories as a basis for their writing, as can be seen by the blockbusters from 1953 and 1963. People love to see their favorite characters from books or plays presented in a visually captivating way and we should view this transfer of mediums as a service rather than a payday.

                      2. You aren't watching original movies. The people who so often criticize the gross commercialization of cinema are often the same ones who financially support Michael Bay by seeing the most recent installment of what they know will be a terrible sequel just for the sake of participating in the endless twnetysomething rite of passage of movie critiquing. In effect, we testify to movie producers that we want to watch terrible movies and then critique them rather than refusing to watch the newest blockbuster, even though the unthinkable will occur- we won't be able to talk about it with people.





Now, a concession- I am aware that producers are looking to get paid. I know that awesome movies like Inception almost didn't get made because the fat cats didn't trust that, without it being based on a book or comic, there would be enough public interest. But it is exactly for that reason that it is our solemn obligation to prove them wrong. If we hope to reprise the days of brand new characters being introduced on the silver screen and never-before-heard stories, then we must financially support such movies in the theaters.






Here are a few of my favorite somewhat recent original movies that you may or may not have seen. I highly recommend all of them if you have a couple of hours to give to wonderful characters and great stories:




Stranger Than Fiction: An IRS auditor suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire life, from his work to his love-interest, to his death

I was skeptical as I'm not a fan of typical Will Ferrell, but he is incredible in this funny, sincere, wonderful movie.








Get Low: A movie spun out of equal parts folk tale, fable and real-life legend about the mysterious, 1930's Tennessee hermit who famously threw his own rollicking funeral party... while he was still alive.


Robert Duvall and Bill Murray are excellent in this quirky period dramedy. 




Peaceful Warrior: A chance encounter with a stranger changes the life of a college gymnast.

Not Strictly "original," I know, but any chance I get to recommend this movie, I do. I'm not usually one for sports movies, but I love Peaceful Warrior because it is so much more- it taught me how to look around and be amazed at the life that surrounded me. And who doesn't want more Nick Nolte in their life?




Join with me. Save the biz.

A Brief History of Boy Bands and Their "Direction" in Modern Society

Something about men singing together just makes people happy. For centuries, men have gathered together to make sweet harmony and win the hearts of ladies all across the globe.


The first known boy band came about in 1321 BC in ancient Egypt. Shown below, Tutankhamun and the Boyz became a huge success domestically as well as throughout the Mediterranean. Here, Tut and his two cohorts can be seen consorting with what we can only surmise are ancient groupies.

Despite having more than a few hits, the band broke up after Tut's untimely death at the tragically young age of 18.

But the harmonious door of melodic men's music had forever been opened and the world witnessed many more bay bands before the present day.

Socrates' Mu Eta Pi (Melody-Harmony-Philosophy) was very popular from 452-446 BC, though constantly attacked for "polluting the minds of young listeners."

The Round Tables were so legendary that some argue that they never actually existed, but are an allegory for what a truly great boy band should be.

Perhaps the most well-known boy band producer of all time was the great circumventor himself, Ferdy Magellan, who managed a handful of Filipino groups during his travels, including Trinidad, The Serranos, and Victoria. However, when other Pacific Islanders were bit by the boy band bug, a rival group, Mactan decided to take out the competition and ended Magellan's career and his life with a bamboo spear to the chest.

In the last few centuries there has been an explosion of interest in the boy bands, including barbershop quartets, Einstein's Bagels, The Beatles, The Jackson 5, The Beach Boys, and New Kids on the Block.

In recent years, however, a troubling trend has taken tendency which is that boy bands are largely using greater number of singers with less harmony. The whole point of the male ensemble is to gather together the single instrument capable of producing the most formants, namely the male voice, and creating music that stirs the soul on both an emotional and a physical level. While sex appeal has always been an added bonus of getting so much musical talent together in one performance, it has now become the focal point of the boy band.

To demonstrate this, I have extracted data from some of the biggest names in boy band lore from the last two decades- Backstreet Boys, Boyz 2 Men, NSYNC, and One Direction. All of these groups fit pretty squarely into the "pop" genre, while some wade out into the waters of hip-hop or R&B.

Consider the following chart which displays the number of voices singing in each section of a song:

This data was taken from all tracks of the listed artists' first (1) and most most recent (2) albums.
Boyz 2 Men's data has been skewed up by 25% to account for their smaller numbers.

All of these groups obviously fall into the pattern of having one member sing a verse and the rest join in for the chorus, a community-feel song form used all over the world. The most stark example of this is Boz 2 Men who rarely sings in harmony during a verse and conversely almost never sings in unison during a chorus. 

I must say that listening through these albums was, in general, a joy. I was especially impressed by NSYNC who, as can be seen, was the group most dedicated to having all of their singers sing! Even during the verses, they would break into 5-part harmony to make cadences even more spectacular, a real throwback to their predecessors, Manhattan Transfer. 

Too cool to stand in the same picture together

The disappointment came, though, while listening to the newcomers, One Direction. Here we have 5 strapping young boys with fantastic voices, and yet I could count on one hand the number of times that they were all singing different notes at the same time! Approximately 30 writers credited on both of their albums and they can't bring themselves to write some duets for verses or rocking harmonies for the choruses? Even a 5-part acapella breakdown bridge would have done, but at the end of two albums I was left wanting. I believe strongly that these boys are capable of singing as I have suggested, so it must be a hiccup with the producers. Don't they realize? Women like men who sing about love, but they go bananas, gaga, what have you, over guys who HARMONIZE about love. 

To sing in unison is to care about yourself in a group; to harmonize is to care about others.

10 Reasons to NOT listen to your music with music majors

As you may know, I recently completed my Bachelor's of Music Education, about which I am very excited. I feel, though, that spending the past years slaving away in an academic field which most people view as recreation has given me a somewhat skewed view of my role as a music listener (although my professors would have me believe that my studies have done just the opposite- straightened out my base, crooked views).

So this post is part explanation, part apology, part soapbox, part experience, and many parts opinion.
Disclaimer: I knock on the digital medium a lot in this post; understand, these are not my feelings, but the supposed opinions of colleagues.

Here's a list of 10 reasons why you may find it infuriating to try to listen to music with a friend who has studied music:



1. If you ask us to listen closely to a song, all we'll hear is the boring harmonic structure.

Virtually all pop music is made up of four chords: I, IV, V, and VI. If you've ever seen the Axis of Awesome's 4 Chord Song, you'll understand how repetitive and over-used these chords are. Sure, you can create some really great music inside this structure, but with a whole world of musical possibilities, why limit yourself?



2. All post-recording digital manipulation is sin (and we think we can hear it)

Ask one of my colleagues about why Glee is no good and they'll go on and on about the decline of vocal technique and producers scrubbing singers' tracks clean until they are little more than a synthesized voice. Sure, our technology allows us to auto-tune singers, but that doesn't make it any more ethical than eating the last brownie and not cleaning the pan.

3. We actually listen to the words

When we're not complaining about poor diction, we're groaning at our friends' evasion "I just like the beat."
And we judge.


4. We sing along with instrumental tracks of make up our own harmonies

So we think One Direction would sound better with a few male voices singing different parts instead of all in unison, big deal. So I like singing along with Cake's trumpet, no sweat.


5. Digital instruments are unacceptable

Drum machine? Get a real drummer. Kenny G sound-alike? Whatever, we know it's a synthesized sax. String quartet behind your punk band? Doubt it, unplug the computer and give a real musician a job.

6. Mediocre singers with excellent poetry don't cut it

This is the reason I miss out on great artists like Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, and Bright Eyes- I can't get past the voice. Maybe that's short-sighted of me, but I'll be the first to admit that I love Dylan covers way more than the originals.







7. We have an opinion on everything and knowledge of nothing

We're the worst kinds of hipsters- we judge the layman's music to be inferior and offer him nothing that he can appreciate because we compare it to "high art." We hear certain indicators of poor musicianship like synthesizers and auto-tuned voices and we stop listening. I don't believe I've even listened to an entire Nicki Manaj song, but I know that every moment would be filled with disdain.


8. After 3 songs of ABABCB form we get bored

Song form- verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. Easily the most widely used form in modern music. The reason Maroon 5's "Hands All Over" album wasn't that great.







9. We will not rest until we figure out that modulation/multi-meter/modal section/etc.

See piano bridge in Muse's "United States of Eurasia" (Egyptian modal scale?)


10. and this is the kicker, We mistakenly believe that we enjoy music more than others

"That's right, I know more about music, so I have a greater capacity to appreciate it." I'm going to call shenanigans and say that's not true. Yes, I hear a lot of things when I listen to music and can even understand it at a "higher" level, but I think if we were to measure endorphins produced (brain's happiness peptide) by groups who have studied music and those that haven't, I believe they would be approximately the same across the board. Who am I to say that I feel greater happiness while listening to a really awesome choir sing Whitaker than some teeny-bopper listening to some lame Kesha anthem? When it comes right down to it, we all listen to what we enjoy and I'm pretty certain that we all enjoy it the same.

How to Survive All Over the World

CULTURE	I have recently come to realize that some of my favorite stories from my mission are about the silly suspicions that have about their own health. So, I asked several of my friends to share some medicinal wive's tales from various cultures, so that we can all enjoy the wisdom from other countries' tradition. And remember that no matter how outlandish some of these may seem, my sources affirm that the people wholeheartedly believe in their veracity. BELIEF	CONTRIBUTOR
Argentina	If you have something in your eye or if you want to clean them, apply olive oil, or in some cases cooking oil.	Jonathan W.
Cambodia	For common cold like symptoms, take Tiger Balm (literal translation, similar to our Vick's Vapor rub) and rub it all over your neck/back/chest. Then, take a quarter or bottle cap and scrape the balm into your skin, scraping between your ribs on your chest and back until your skin gets those   tiny spots of blood typical of road rash. "Bad" cases will get a scraping on your neck too. It releases the evil spirits (literal translation is "Bad wind") from your system and you'll be cured. This is done in many countries of Asia.	Mike K.
	If you take a water bottle with water in it, and shake it up, you "break" the water. If you give them the water, they won't drink it because it will make them sick.
	Cambodians think long American noses are beautiful because they all have short flat noses, so mothers will pinch their babies' nose and pull on it, because that will make it longer over time.
Chile	If you have a cold you need to put your feet in a hot bucket of water, you need to keep putting in hot water for the next ten minutes, not a minute longer! When you take your feet out the water still needs to be hot. You then dry your feet and put them in warm, fluffy socks and put on warm PJ’s, a hat, and scarf, and then get into bed with a hot water bottle and not talk or move all night. If you take your feet out when the water is cold you'll die that night (not a joke).	Alex L.
	Whenever you feel ill, at all, you must use honey for everything! So when you have a cold, take a whole lemon and squeeze every last bit of juice out of it and then mix with honey (half and half) and the drink it.
	If your eyes are tired then put honey on the bottom and top eye lids (not advised).
	If you ever experience extreme changes in weather, you will get terribly sick.
	If you go outside during the winter with wet hair you would get a splitting headache that would lay you up for weeks (if not kill you).
China	When giving a foot massage, light a candle in a glass and then suctioned it onto the foot to stimulate blood flow/ draw toxins from the body.	Traci G.
	When eating, never ever stick your chopsticks straight up in the rice.
Germany	If you go outside in the cold, you will get sick.	Natalie H.
Japan	If you have a cold, wrap negi (long green onions) around your neck.	Julie H.
	If you have a wound, put umeboshi (pickled plum) on it for faster healing.
Mexico	If you are hot and sweating and you drink a cold drink, you will get a cold.	Benn P.
	If you get a cold, you need to cut a half an onion into strips, boil it in half a liter of milk, and then fish the onion out of the milk, putting it on one side of a plate and topping it with pure honey. The plate should be set on something, making it sit unevenly in such a way that the juices from the milk/onion/honey concoction drains to the other end of the plate, and when you have a good bit of it, you drink that clear-ish onion milk liquid that forms. Then, that night, in your hammock, you need to wrap up with 2-3 blankets, and sweat the sickness out while you sleep.
Mexico (Texas)	Pin a bag of water above your door to keep flies and mosquitos away.	Brian S.
Mexico (Utah)	If you drink something warm then go out into the cold, your jaw will be frozen in an odd position.	Levi B.
Navajo	If you cut your child's hair as a baby, he or she will grow up with a stutter.	Kaitlin N.
Panama	If you do ironing at any point during the day, you CANNOT get wet later that day or you will get “torqueado” (torqued?) which essentially consists of permanent facial or bodily disfigurement.	Jeph H.
Paraguay	Do not cut a baby’s hair until he says his first word. After all, he has to have some motivation to speak. You cannot eat while you drink mate (tea), or your belly will swell up and explode. That is why you drink it before eating anything in the morning and several hours between breakfast and lunch. You cannot shower after drinking mate. If you do, your skin will burn.	Matt P.
Philippines	After cutting hair, bury it in the back yard to make hair grow more quickly	Serena L.
	Urinate on a jellyfish wound to help it heal.
Russia	If you sit on something cold (rock, bench, or whatever) you immediately become sterile.	Dan B.
Spain	Agua Agria, or "bitter water," tastes like water with coins in it, but it is legendary for its ability to extend peoples' lives.	Adam D.
Taiwan	The food you eat is directly tied to your inner Qi. Certain foods will make your Qi too hot and you will start having bad effects; other foods counter those hot ones. For instance, eating mangos makes your fire rise and then you get zits. But if you eat bitter foods (like a root called Huanglian), then your fire will die down and you won't have zits.	Christian R.
U.S.	If you crave sugar while you’re pregnant you'll have a girl; if you crave salt you'll have a boy.	Preston T.
	When crying, if the first tear comes from the right eye, it is a tear of joy; from the left, it is a tear of sadness.	Internetz
	If you have a lot of heartburn during a pregnancy, then your baby will have a lot of hair.	Aubrey H.
	It is acceptable to smoke weed when pregnant if you wrap it in rice paper so it's natural.

Rap- Music?

I like rap

MC Hammer pants. Beautiful.

I know that sometimes surprises some people that meet me. They think "good, wholesome LDS guy who studied music in college; shouldn't he have better taste?" I say this not as a matter of assumption, but from personal experience.

First and foremost, I would like to refute the erroneous idea that rap isn't music. One of my Music Theory professors at the university defined music as 

"organized sound over time" 

with an asterisk over the first word, meaning that organization as a necessity was debatable. Does rap fit this description? Absolutely. And yet, sometimes people argue "but they’re not singing, so it counts for less."

Here’s a transcription of Smashmouth's hit song "All Star":

You’ll notice that in the first four bars, approximately 2/3 of the words are on the same pitch (tonic/"do") without a lot of pitch variance elsewhere in these bars or in the other verses of the song.

Here’s Andy Grammer's "Keep Your Head Up"

First four bars again and Grammer also sings nearly 2/3 of his words on the same tonic pitch. I do not mention these examples to disparage their musical value in any way, but rather to demonstrate how much songs like this, which fall squarely in the "alternative" or "pop" category, have in common with rap.

Now here's the first four bars of Sean Paul's "So Fine"

It should be noted that Sean Paul is actually singing these pitches; this is not an approximation. The number of times Paul repeats tonic is a mere 9% higher than that of Smashmouth and Grammer, yet people count it as less musical.

And let us not forget "Gone Til November" by rapper Wyclef Jean

Here, Jean sings tonic less than 25% of the time, yet he is classified as a rapper. Oh, and that G natural in the fourth measure? It’s a borrowed minor third from the blues scale. Not too shabby for a guy who isn't a musician.

There are dozens of rappers like Jean and Paul who sing their raps as part of the songs' harmonic structure. Some high profile examples are B.o.B, Nelly, Andre 3000, Timbaland, Mos Def, C-Lo Green and there are plenty more that rap verses and sing choruses.

But what about the others? I quote William Shatner:

I can’t get behind so-called singers, who can’t carry a tune, get paid for talking. How easy is that?

These are the Kanye's, 50's and Dre's of the genre who make a living out of talking to a beat. I mean, where’s the talent in that? Here’s where:

I woke up early this morning with a new state of mind,

A creative way to rhyme without using knives and guns-

Keep your nose out the sky, keep your heart to God and

Keep your face to the rising sun.

                -Kanye West, Family Business

You woulda been much more than a mouth to feed

Someone, I woulda fed this information I read to

Someone, my life for you, I woulda had to leave,

Instead I led you to death.

                -Common, Retrospect for Life

 Come listen to my truest thoughts, my truest feelings

All my peers doing years beyond drug dealing

How many caskets can we witness

Before we see it’s hard to live the life without God?

So we must ask forgiveness.

                -2Pac, Unconditional Love

The best rappers are incredible poets with an individual and important perspective on the world's problems. I'm not going to champion all of rap music because, as with all genres of music, there are killers and there are fillers. But under no circumstances should anyone think to banish the entire rap genre into the nether regions of "not good music" or even "too unholy." All genres have goods and bads and it is up to you, reader, to keep an open mind and to find what you like and what speaks to you.